Distraction
by Sarah Elisabeth
Summary: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black both harbor secret feelings, yet neither one is willing to let the other know. RemusSirius Please read and review! Bittersweet? OneShot!


Summary: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black both harbor secret feelings for the other. But neither is willing to risk letting the other know. RemusSirius

**Distraction**

_By Sarah Elisabeth_

_---_

Remus J. Lupin was all at once everything and nothing one expected him to be. He was smart and kind and eager to help those he cared about. On the other hand, he was daring, dangerous—he was a werewolf after all—and inadvertently sexy. Yes, Remus J. Lupin was extremely wonderful. Especially to Sirius Black.

They were sitting in the library, both working on essays for Potions the next day. Unfortunately, Sirius never found Remus quite as attractive as when he was surrounded by books, busy writing and ignoring the rest of the world. He didn't know when exactly he first found himself loving Remus—for he did in fact, love him—but Sirius Black knew that the reason he loved him was because Remus didn't know how amazing he was. And Sirius found it extremely…charming perhaps? Yes, Remus Lupin had definitely charmed his way into his heart, and for all his popularity with the ladies, Sirius had no idea how to explain these feelings to his very male friend. Unable to tell Remus how he felt, Sirius had instead taken to watching his friend whenever he could.

There were many factors standing in the way of claiming Remus Lupin's heart. As time went by, it become extremely difficult to keep his secret hidden and he had to make a list of reasons why _not_ to tell Remus. Every once in a while, Sirius would add or remove from the list, and it was often when he was supposed to be working on a paper that he found himself reading it.

Just in the past hour, he'd managed to shorten the list from 30 reasons to nine:

_One, Remus was his friend. _

_Two, Remus was not a girl. _

_Three, Remus did not fancy males. _

_Four, if Remus did fancy males, there was no way he would possibly consider him. _

_Five, Remus deserves better._

_Six, Remus would not want someone like me._

_Seven, Remus has a crush on someone else._

_Eight, Remus gives me weird looks._

_Nine, Remus doesn't enjoy my company as much as I do._

It was a short list simply because most his reasons were self-deprecating and Sirius had gone through and cut some of them out. But it was true; Sirius Black did not believe himself to be worthy of having Remus Lupin. Remus Lupin is his mind was untouchable. And although they did plenty of touching while in his mind, that was where his fantasies would remain. It was painful, but Sirius found he would much rather watch Remus and be friends with him than admit his feelings and never see him again. No, watching Remus was—

"What are you looking at?"

Sirius blinked. Damn. "What?"

"You were looking at me," Remus said. "Do I have something on my face?"

"I just kinda zoned out, mate. But now that you've mentioned it, I've been meaning to tell you…"

Remus quickly nodded. To Sirius, he looked quite anxious to get back to his paper. "Yes? Tell me what?"

"You've got some string in your hair."

"String." Remus repeated, staring at him, an odd look on his face.

"Indeedilly-doo my darling Remy-poo!" Sirius said, laughing and simultaneously picking out the offending piece of string from Remus' hair. "I reckon it's from your sweater."

Remus took the string from Sirius and flicked it onto the floor. "Don't you have to start your own paper? You're so distracting, Padfoot."

Grinning, Sirius turned around and buried his head back into his books. He wouldn't be able to get to work now—not after he had nearly gotten himself caught. But Remus would never even think of it. He sighed and began absentmindedly turning through his notes.

The only time he was really and truly free with Remus was during the full moon. When Remus was the werewolf and he could transform into his animagus, he didn't have to guard his features or watch what he said. Sirius hated that he felt this way, because he knew how painful it was for his friend to transform…but at the same time…He sighed again. A book slammed shut.

Sirius looked up to see Remus staring, his eyes narrowed slightly. "What?"

"You're asking me?" Remus replied. "You keep sighing and drifting off into space, completely out of character might I add. Just go and ask the damn girl out and get it out of your system!" His tone was slightly bitter, but his face betrayed nothing but annoyance.

"Oh get off it, Moony, there is no girl. There's nothing wrong." He signed again.

"Then a man, then. Is that it?" Sirius said nothing, and Remus continued. "You're distracting me, Sirius."

"Yeah? Well, now you know what it's like."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"To be distracted by someone! To be unable to do something because of someone! To be unable to even finish this stupid paper because you're here!" Damn.

Neither boy said anything, and Sirius went back to his notes. Remus continued staring at Sirius, confusion evident on his face. Sirius felt like he was going to throw up, and the feeling intensified when he heard Remus' quill scribbling against parchment. This was why he never said anything. Remus was going to ignore him possibly, and they might never be able to get back to the way they were. Unless…

Sirius looked up at Remus, who was looking determinedly at his paper. "Obliviate!"

---

Remus J. Lupin was confused. Something had happened—he was sure of it. Only, he couldn't remember. Sirius had been with him and they had been working on their papers, and then Sirius had left. But none of that was important. What was important was that Remus had written something he didn't understand on the piece of parchment in front of him: _I do know what it's like to be distracted._ What on earth had possessed him to write that? Was it that Sirius had removed the string from his hair? Had he been subconsciously thinking about that? About Sirius being so close to him, touching him, but being so unattainable all at once?

Remus sighed. He was always thinking about Sirius. It was impossible for him not to. He'd been thinking about his friend for a long time. Perhaps it had started when Sirius had found out about his Lycanthropy and, instead of recoiling in horror (as he'd imagined they all would do) said to him, "You stupid git! I'm more inclined to stop being friends with you because you read too much. This? This is nothing!" And then proceeded to hug him and smile at him in that roguishly handsome way that only Sirius could do. Yes, that had to be when he realized he liked Sirius as more than just a friend. But he could never tell him.

Imagine! Remus J. Lupin, walking up to Sirius Black and expressing his _feelings_. It was ridiculous. He'd have to stand in line behind all the girls who threw themselves at him. And even then, he'd have to wear a dress and pretend his name was Mary Sue just to get the boy to look at him. Sirius was very much a ladies man. Oh, and even if he weren't, he would never attempt to get Sirius involved with him. He was dangerous. He wasn't anything spectacular. He was plain old Remus. J. Lupin. He could kill his best friend on a full moon and not even know it until morning. Love was best left out of his life. It would only end in tears for monsters—even one's who weren't so at heart.

Collecting his books and papers, Remus left the library and headed for the Gryffindor common room. It was late—he didn't know how long he'd been sitting doing nothing. _Not nothing, thinking of Sirius_. Pushing his thoughts out of his mind, he made his way to the Fat Lady, gave the password ("amortentia") and climbed inside. It was empty, save for Sirius sitting in an armchair staring at the fire. Remus made his way over and sat on the floor next to him, gently kicking him in the shin to get his attention. "Why're you still up?"

Sirius started, and looked down at him. "Why are _you _still up?" he asked, grinning.

Remus willed himself not to blush. The firelight made his friend look wonderful. "I was working on my paper in the library."

"I was waiting for you," Sirius responded.

Remus looked away from him, opting instead to stare into the fire. Sirius was always saying things like that. He didn't realize what they meant to him though, and Remus was sure that if he did, he wouldn't say things like that so freely. He loved that Sirius was comfortable around him though, and he wouldn't give that up for the world.

"So, did you finish your paper then?" Sirius asked, snapping Remus back out of his thoughts.

Remus nodded. "And you? Another O, I wager. You leave things until last minute, rush through each assignment, and somehow always manage top marks."

Sirius grinned. "But of course, my dear friend. It's in my nature!"

"Stupid prat." Remus gently punched Sirius in the arm, and Sirius pretended to look hurt.

"You hit me, and mock me, but I know deep down you love me!" he said, grinning.

Remus laughed. "You have no idea."

Oh, God.

He looked at Sirius who was staring at him with a look he couldn't quite read. Was it disgust? Was it fear? There was shock, he could see that, no problem.

Sirius took a deep breath. "What does that mean?"

Remus could see it now—how he was going to lose his best friend, how he wasn't going to have Padfoot with him anymore during transformations, how everything was going to be different. He was going to lose it all. Unless…

"Obliviate!"

---

_Thank you all for taking the time to read this! Please do let me know what you think of this story. Good? Bad? Reviews are always appreciated. :) _

_Edit: Since people felt that they needed to see more of this story, I've uploaded a sequel of sorts called "Let Go." You can find it through my profile if you're interested. _


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